When I was at the reaping waiting to be called I was sweating more than I ever have had before, and I was shaking like crazy. I had never felt like this before when I was on the farm back in District 11, which was the only thing I had ever done. I have pondered to myself before about being selected as tribute and what would happen to me. It would be nice to get off of the farm I work on, but I would most likely be killed. His was all racing through my mind like an elite sprinter as I was standing there like a felon about to be caught police. As Harper Hayes picked out the names of the people who would be volunteered, I saw the mixed emotions of the tributes being picked, some seemed as if they had already been killed and other seemed so happy, as I it was Christmas. One boy next to me who was from District 10 was so nervous he was crying and I could not bear to see him like this. The situation only got worse when his name was called, I saw his dry knees touch the cold hard ground as he knelt to the ground and wept like a baby. Then, the worst moment of my life happened.
Mrs. Hayes reached her long fingers into a bowl and looked through her light blue glasses and with her voice beckoning through the silent stadium she call my name, Bill Farmer. At first I doubted myself and was so mad that I punched a wall next to me, all I could hear was my ears ringing and my family members, who were not with me crying. I stood up and waved my hand, which is the respectable thing to do and looked for my parents, Bill and Emily, but were no were to be seen. I could feel the pain running through my veins as my hand pounded. Then I let a scream out and bit y tongue, I could taste the blood, it reminded me of the taste of defeat. Then I thought I am going to die, what can I do?
I like the details you added into this, but you did have a few typos here and there and you used “I” a lot throughout the post. The similes you added in were great and they made it a lot more interesting, and you could probably use more to make it seem more realistic for the reader. I like how you did a question at the end, but make sure that it’s in quotation marks since you were supposed to be thinking it (as your character).
This narrative told a good story, but could have been made better by using spell check and more figurative language. “I had never felt like this before when I was on the farm back in District 11, which was the only thing I had ever done.” This sentence took me a while to understand what you were trying to say. “His was all racing through my mind like an elite sprinter as I was standing there like a felon about to be caught police.” This sentence could have been read over for spelling errors, it also seemed like a run-on sentence. I think this was a good piece of writing, but it could be made better by going over it one more time.
There were a few sentences that i could not understand because of spelling mistakes. The first paragraph could have used more sensory details. However, I thought that the second paragraph was nicely written.