The last time I watched the Hunger Games I was rooting for a boy who was about my age and was in district 10. I figured I would root for him because district 10 is also poor, as am I, so we are somewhat alike. As the boy swiftly galloped through a thick patch of bright green thickets, I heard one of the announcers say in a raspy voice “We have just received new that the game makers have a trick up their sleeve so watch out for some fireworks.” Then the big moment I was waiting for happened the game makers trick was unleashed and I saw the cameras zoom in on a giant aqua blue wave run across the ocean on the border of the country. It seemed to be a tsunami, which screamed death as it plowed over three tributes like a football player running over a young boy.
Then suddenly the tsunami calmed down and a smooth wave swept across the island. I looked around to see if I could see the boy I was rooting for and what I saw I will never forget. They zoomed in on him; he was floating across the bright, crisp ocean water. He was crushed by the wave, and my body trembled as I filled with sadness. The wave off sadness overcame me like the wave of water that overcame the boy. I though what would it be like if my little brother was a tribute and he was killed by the game makers horrible trick.
this was a good piece. One error you has was that you didn’t add a “s” on the end if new(s) as seen here. ““We have just received new that the game makers have a trick up their sleeve so watch out for some fireworks”. Also you added an (f) on the end of (of) making it hard to understand “The wave off sadness overcame me like the wave of water that overcame the boy.”… So next time try to proof read a little better.
I thought that this post was very well written. You did have a small typo and wrote new instead of news in your first paragraph. I liked the way you describe the wave crashing over the tributes like a football player running over a young boy.
Your post was well written because of your great comparisons and figurative language. Your attention getter lacked grabbing my attention. Next time, try to grab the readers attention instead of just stating things. Also, you had a few spelling erorrs in the sentences when you referred to the news as “new” and the sentence about the “Wave off sadness” instead of the “wave of sadness” Lastly, try to use a bit more detail in your writing and a more diverse vocabulary. Other than that, your doing great. Work It Bill!!